Jessica is leaving.

I've got way too many feelings for Facebook.
Tomorrow I'm taking Jessica to college. 12 hours and 5 states away. The van is all packed up and ready to go, and every time I look at it I feel sick at my stomach.
I'm very experienced with good-byes. I know how to keep from thinking about it until the last possible minute, because there's nothing you can do about it anyway. If you're the one leaving, it's sad, but also exciting, because you're going to new places, new adventures, new friends. But if you're the one left behind, you're just left. With someone missing. And when that someone lived inside of you for 9 months...
When my dad died, I put off packing my suitcase to fly to Arkansas until the last possible minute, because packing meant admitting it was true. This is not even close to the same thing, but still, I haven't packed my suitcase. Because that will make it real. This is really happening now.
A little while ago I walked by the van and looked at all her stuff and thought, "I don't know how to do this." And I don't. But really, I do. I mean, this is what mothers do. This is what we've always done, what we're supposed to do. Mothers birth them and raise them up and send them off. At least my baby is going to college in 2016, when we have Facetime and texting and S
napchat. And airplanes. I talked to my parents on the payphone at the end of the hall once a week for 20 minutes. Angie had to talk to hers through a guy running a ham radio. (over) Mothers of pioneers sent their "babies" off and didn't know when (or if) they'd hear from them again. So I can do this. I know for sure she can do this.
But thanks for the prayers just the same!