Reflections on February

 Do you pick a "word of the year" on January 1 instead of making a New Year's Resolution? I started doing that a few years ago, and it is usually a word that symbolizes a goal I have, like "considerate" or "engage". This year, the word that kept coming to mind and that I kept seeing in Scripture as I tried to decide was "hope". I had no idea at the time that God led me to that word in preparation for these last two months.

Less than a month after my mom's death, I got a heartbreaking phone call from Mike's brother pleading for us to pray for his one-year-old granddaughter as the EMTs worked to revive her. But it was too late. She had been in and out of the hospital with the flu and struggling to breathe, and she didn't make it. Precious Lottie is now in heaven. How do you process that? How do you comprehend the death of a toddler? I can't stop thinking about my nephew and his wife, and the pain and sorrow they have to endure. And their other 2 daughters, twin four-year-olds...how can they possibly deal with this? It feels overwhelming. 

But God. But HOPE. My hope is in the Lord, and so is theirs. 

I don't understand it. We will never understand it. But when I don't understand, I remember what I know. I remember who God is and what He has done for me. God is just, merciful, all-knowing, all-understanding, all-seeing, eternal, love, unchanging, good, all-powerful, always present, sovereign, supreme, truth, and more than I could ever even think. I choose to trust Him. No matter what.

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him...

Mike and I watched Lottie's service online, since we were unable to be there, and seeing the family walk in just about did us in, but when my nephew Ethan got up to speak...wow. I was amazed. Seeing him able to stand up there and speak without falling apart gave me hope that he was going to be okay. He read from Psalm 119:25-32, then he said this: “Our life is in the dust and we are weary from grief, but here we have a choice. We can be angry. We can be bitter. We can curse God, but that will not bring healing. That will not bring peace… there is only one place that we can go. And that is into the arms of our Lord."

There is still so much sadness, so much pain, and honestly so much worry. I love my family and I know their lives will never be the same. But I will always have hope. And so will they. 

Need more Bible verses about hope? Here are some I have found so far:

• Psalm 27:13-14
• Psalm 33:20-22
• Psalm 62:5-8
• Romans 15:13
• 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
• 1 Timothy 1:1
• 1 Timothy 4:10
• Titus 2:11-14
• Titus 3:7
• Hebrews 6:19-20
• Hebrews 10:23
• 1 Peter 1:3-4

To read more about Lottie and the impact her short life has had and is having, read this article. It includes a link to a Southern Baptist International Mission Board project in her name. 

2022 LLYMI cruise!

 This year's cruise was different from previous years in so many ways...

1. Because of Covid restrictions, the ship was only 40% full. Which is bad financially for Family Life, but made it super easy to find a deck chair or a place in the hot tub, and shorter lines at the slides! We also had our cabin upgraded and ended up with this huge balcony...more like a deck!

I wore a mask more than I have the whole pandemic!

2. Mike and I were given roles of greater responsibility and longer hours, which was actually pretty tiring, but thankfully we still had time to do our favorite things: eat yummy food, lay by the pool, sit in the hot tub, and go in at two ports. 

Chocolate tart

Wedding cake for after the vow renewal ceremony

Teriyaki beef

Valentine's Day dessert buffet

Best penne carbonara ever

We got to go to Maho Beach in St. Maarten, where the airplanes come in super low! I loved seeing them land, and Mike loved standing in the jet blast as they took off. Me, not so much. I tried to video him during take-off, but the sand blew so hard it hurt! So I took off for the water.

While Mike enjoyed the planes, I enjoyed the water and the veiw!

Why would this dude pick this thing up?! Scary!

We didn't get off the ship in St. Thomas, but we did enjoy this beautiful view when we weren't working! (And I got my first massage😊)

I love watching the couples worship and pray together.

We also spent a day snorkeling at Coco Cay, which truly was *almost* a perfect day! We saw so many beautiful fish, and just enjoyed being together. I did not, however, enjoy being stung by a jelly fish. (or maybe fire coral, according to one man we talked to. I didn't see what got me and they're both pretty much the same.) I healed quickly though!

3. We received devastating news of a family tragedy when we woke up in Orlando the day before we set sail. So while I did have fun and enjoy every day, I also cried every day, and felt guilty having fun when they rest of our family was hurting so badly. We were able to leave our duties for some alone time in our room to watch the memorial service for our one-year-old great niece, which was extremely difficult but also gave me hope.

One thing that stayed the same...I got bronchitis the week we got home. :/ Mike says we can't go on any more cruises if I get sick every time, but if there is another one, I bet I can talk him into it. Here's hoping Family Life raises enough money to bring back the LLYMI cruise in 2024!

Reflections on January

 January went by in a whirlwind and with a roller coaster of emotions. Obviously the most impactful thing that happened was my mother going to heaven on the 11th. Here are some thoughts I've had about this month, in no particular order:

My mom held my hand when I was in labor bringing my daughters into the world. I held her hand as she was leaving the world to be with Jesus. The two events are vastly different but strikingly similar.

Instead of holding everything in, I need to let God hold me together.

Maybe one of the best ways to worship is to trust God completely in everything.

Pulling over for a funeral procession really does mean something to those grieving. It made me feel like they were honoring my mother's life and acknowledging my grief. 

For months (or even years) my mother questioned why God kept her on this earth, why He wouldn't take her home when she was miserable in this life and, in her mind, had no purpose. But in the last 4 days of her life, CNAs and nurses repeatedly came in my mom's room to say goodbye, crying and showing her affection. More than one said that hers was their favorite room to come in because it always felt so peaceful there. Without trying or even realizing it was happening, my mom was showing God's love and character to the people around her. She was making a difference in the lives of these men and women through the Holy Spirit in the most natural way. God always knows best.

One thing my mom taught me is to look for God's grace in the middle of the hardest circumstances- little things He does to let you know He cares, that He knows how hard it is and He is there to make things easier. Here are a few things He did for me:

    -Gave me an easy left turn at a stressful place on the drive up (sounds silly but was a big relief)

    -Made the rain stop on the rainy day every time my daughters and I were going to and coming from the car

    -Played the song "It is well" on my mom's Alexa as she was taking her last breaths

    -Answered a specific prayer of my youngest daughter in a way that is too difficult to put into words, but really made her feel heard and strengthened her faith

God is good all the time!