Reflections on February

 Do you pick a "word of the year" on January 1 instead of making a New Year's Resolution? I started doing that a few years ago, and it is usually a word that symbolizes a goal I have, like "considerate" or "engage". This year, the word that kept coming to mind and that I kept seeing in Scripture as I tried to decide was "hope". I had no idea at the time that God led me to that word in preparation for these last two months.

Less than a month after my mom's death, I got a heartbreaking phone call from Mike's brother pleading for us to pray for his one-year-old granddaughter as the EMTs worked to revive her. But it was too late. She had been in and out of the hospital with the flu and struggling to breathe, and she didn't make it. Precious Lottie is now in heaven. How do you process that? How do you comprehend the death of a toddler? I can't stop thinking about my nephew and his wife, and the pain and sorrow they have to endure. And their other 2 daughters, twin four-year-olds...how can they possibly deal with this? It feels overwhelming. 

But God. But HOPE. My hope is in the Lord, and so is theirs. 

I don't understand it. We will never understand it. But when I don't understand, I remember what I know. I remember who God is and what He has done for me. God is just, merciful, all-knowing, all-understanding, all-seeing, eternal, love, unchanging, good, all-powerful, always present, sovereign, supreme, truth, and more than I could ever even think. I choose to trust Him. No matter what.

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him...

Mike and I watched Lottie's service online, since we were unable to be there, and seeing the family walk in just about did us in, but when my nephew Ethan got up to speak...wow. I was amazed. Seeing him able to stand up there and speak without falling apart gave me hope that he was going to be okay. He read from Psalm 119:25-32, then he said this: “Our life is in the dust and we are weary from grief, but here we have a choice. We can be angry. We can be bitter. We can curse God, but that will not bring healing. That will not bring peace… there is only one place that we can go. And that is into the arms of our Lord."

There is still so much sadness, so much pain, and honestly so much worry. I love my family and I know their lives will never be the same. But I will always have hope. And so will they. 

Need more Bible verses about hope? Here are some I have found so far:

• Psalm 27:13-14
• Psalm 33:20-22
• Psalm 62:5-8
• Romans 15:13
• 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
• 1 Timothy 1:1
• 1 Timothy 4:10
• Titus 2:11-14
• Titus 3:7
• Hebrews 6:19-20
• Hebrews 10:23
• 1 Peter 1:3-4

To read more about Lottie and the impact her short life has had and is having, read this article. It includes a link to a Southern Baptist International Mission Board project in her name. 

2022 LLYMI cruise!

 This year's cruise was different from previous years in so many ways...

1. Because of Covid restrictions, the ship was only 40% full. Which is bad financially for Family Life, but made it super easy to find a deck chair or a place in the hot tub, and shorter lines at the slides! We also had our cabin upgraded and ended up with this huge balcony...more like a deck!

I wore a mask more than I have the whole pandemic!

2. Mike and I were given roles of greater responsibility and longer hours, which was actually pretty tiring, but thankfully we still had time to do our favorite things: eat yummy food, lay by the pool, sit in the hot tub, and go in at two ports. 

Chocolate tart

Wedding cake for after the vow renewal ceremony

Teriyaki beef

Valentine's Day dessert buffet

Best penne carbonara ever

We got to go to Maho Beach in St. Maarten, where the airplanes come in super low! I loved seeing them land, and Mike loved standing in the jet blast as they took off. Me, not so much. I tried to video him during take-off, but the sand blew so hard it hurt! So I took off for the water.

While Mike enjoyed the planes, I enjoyed the water and the veiw!

Why would this dude pick this thing up?! Scary!

We didn't get off the ship in St. Thomas, but we did enjoy this beautiful view when we weren't working! (And I got my first massage😊)

I love watching the couples worship and pray together.

We also spent a day snorkeling at Coco Cay, which truly was *almost* a perfect day! We saw so many beautiful fish, and just enjoyed being together. I did not, however, enjoy being stung by a jelly fish. (or maybe fire coral, according to one man we talked to. I didn't see what got me and they're both pretty much the same.) I healed quickly though!

3. We received devastating news of a family tragedy when we woke up in Orlando the day before we set sail. So while I did have fun and enjoy every day, I also cried every day, and felt guilty having fun when they rest of our family was hurting so badly. We were able to leave our duties for some alone time in our room to watch the memorial service for our one-year-old great niece, which was extremely difficult but also gave me hope.

One thing that stayed the same...I got bronchitis the week we got home. :/ Mike says we can't go on any more cruises if I get sick every time, but if there is another one, I bet I can talk him into it. Here's hoping Family Life raises enough money to bring back the LLYMI cruise in 2024!

Reflections on January

 January went by in a whirlwind and with a roller coaster of emotions. Obviously the most impactful thing that happened was my mother going to heaven on the 11th. Here are some thoughts I've had about this month, in no particular order:

My mom held my hand when I was in labor bringing my daughters into the world. I held her hand as she was leaving the world to be with Jesus. The two events are vastly different but strikingly similar.

Instead of holding everything in, I need to let God hold me together.

Maybe one of the best ways to worship is to trust God completely in everything.

Pulling over for a funeral procession really does mean something to those grieving. It made me feel like they were honoring my mother's life and acknowledging my grief. 

For months (or even years) my mother questioned why God kept her on this earth, why He wouldn't take her home when she was miserable in this life and, in her mind, had no purpose. But in the last 4 days of her life, CNAs and nurses repeatedly came in my mom's room to say goodbye, crying and showing her affection. More than one said that hers was their favorite room to come in because it always felt so peaceful there. Without trying or even realizing it was happening, my mom was showing God's love and character to the people around her. She was making a difference in the lives of these men and women through the Holy Spirit in the most natural way. God always knows best.

One thing my mom taught me is to look for God's grace in the middle of the hardest circumstances- little things He does to let you know He cares, that He knows how hard it is and He is there to make things easier. Here are a few things He did for me:

    -Gave me an easy left turn at a stressful place on the drive up (sounds silly but was a big relief)

    -Made the rain stop on the rainy day every time my daughters and I were going to and coming from the car

    -Played the song "It is well" on my mom's Alexa as she was taking her last breaths

    -Answered a specific prayer of my youngest daughter in a way that is too difficult to put into words, but really made her feel heard and strengthened her faith

God is good all the time!

Wedgwood post #5, mostly word-for-word

April 12, 1992
Friday morning I went to prayer. We ate at McD's because I had a 7:15 meeting. It was boring. My kids were pretty good again--we made tacos! We had our single's retreat this weekend. I rode down on the van. The retreat was WONDERFUL! Especially the music/worship, and my quiet time out under the trees Saturday morning. The games were fun and family groups were good. I felt like our group as a whole really pulled together; I felt unified. We had nice weather Saturday. The girls went shopping at Hillsboro on the way home.
Church was good today. Chachi and his family joined! I sang with Angie in her Sunday School assembly. It was fun.
We had a picnic this afternoon-fun. I played football with Troy, John, Dana, and Steve (Dana's roommate). :)
I graded papers, then Sandra called, then I went to church. Kids were hyper in choir. Now I'm going to bed--I'm exhausted.

May 8, 1992
Nice day at school--clown assembly this afternoon. She was funny. I went dancing at 9 Acres tonight and had a lot of fun! I rode with Mike Sandusky and Jane. I danced with Mike a lot tonight, (we took the "lessons" together) and I really enjoyed him. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. I also danced with Doug, Pony, Ken, and Russell. We left around 11:30, then sat in the truck talking for a long time, about spiritual things. It was good.  [💘]

Post #4: Memories of my years at Wedgwood Baptist Church, taken from my journal (maybe slightly edited)😉

February 9, 1992
Sang in choir this morning, watched all my friends. Sunday School announcements were funny--oh boy--"9 top ways girls turned down dates to the Valentine's Banquet"! Robby's was, "Karry and I were talking about going to that...we'll get back to you..." Dogging me about Russ! We acted a little mad at him, but laughed. Karry, Kathy, Amy, and I ate lunch at Grandy's and planned a "rebuttal" announcement skit for next week. I cleaned the yard and watched a movie this afternoon, helped children's choir and went to church and Prayer & Share tonight. Had a hard time paying attention and being serious.

March 16, 1992 [Mission Stay]
I got up and went to the church without a shower this morning! It was chilly at first, but warmed up a lot. We broke up dirt and leveled it out for flower gardens all morning. (Chris Henderson, Danny, Cheryl, Lynn, Julie, Kelly, LeaAnn, Amy, and I) We laughed a lot at lunch. Then Amy and I left to get ready for Karry's party--we decorated and made a cake, and I bought the groceries for supper. The party was fun--Allen and Barry came into the house as "Birthday Police," blindfolded her and took her away. She was still blindfolded when she came in to Amy's house, and then we all yelled,"Surprise!" And sang to her and gave her presents and stuff. We had a good crowd: Chris, Ridley, Steve, Randy Holcomb, Earl, Joni, Sydney, Barry, Allen, Ben, Ed, Scott Salzman, John Espinoza, Cheryl, Julie, Kelly, Lynn, Danny, Beverly, Amy and I. I think she had fun. :)

Post #3 Memories of my years at Wedgwood Baptist Church, taken from my journal (maybe slightly edited)😉

January 22, 1992
My kids were awful today, church was fine, choir was good (they sang "Happy Birthday" to me!), and when I came home, my friends gave me a surprise birthday party!!! I was so surprised! I didn't see any cars and wasn't expecting a thing--Beverly had the TV on and was talking about "Quantum Leap" and when I went back to my bedroom--WOW! There were streamers, balloons, cards, presents, a cake, and lots of friends!! Half of them came after the surprise--even Karry, because she was shuttling people from the bowling alley. She was disappointed, but I told her it didn't matter--I stayed surprised all night! 32 people came!!! And I got to open my presents--a bookmark from Troy, stationary from Angie, a cross stitched "Virtuous Woman" from Karry (!!!), Crabtree & Evelyn stuff from Beverly, a teacher book of prayers from Kathy, "Guesstures" from Ed, and lots of cards! :)
[Note: I got my first card from Mike that night. I just didn't realize at the time how significant that would be!]

Message to 25-year-old Kecia: Your future husband is in these pictures!

January 31, 1992
I got up to pray this morning [at the church] and the Merediths went to breakfast with us! It was fun. No school today, so I came home & went back to bed! For two hours. After lunch I went and talked to Bro. Al for 1 hour, about church and missions. It was a good talk. I ran errands all afternoon, then had to cook my dip. Our Sunday School department had a "regressive" dinner tonight--dessert at Earl's, main course at our house, salad at the Osiek's, and appetizers at the Clovermeadow Cuties. It was really fun. We stayed pretty late, and then Karry and Beverly and I got our revenge on Ben! We "decorated" his car with gummi bears and dinosaurs, pink toilet paper, and shoe polish ("Just Married" on the rear window!) We whispered & tiptoed around, having a good ole time, and drove off laughing at how smart we are...until Doug drove up, saw us, and waved! I couldn't believe it.
What luck! Nobody but us would get caught leaving the scene of a crime. Now Ben will get us back for sure.

2nd post! Memories of my years at Wedgwood Baptist Church, taken from my journal (maybe slightly edited)😉

September 1, 1991
Chris and Ridley apologized to me and Karry and Beverly this morning [for not calling us to go to Ranger game]- -said they didn’t call because they didn’t go to the game. We forgave them, and we all went to lunch at the Black-eyed Pea after church. 13 of us! Fun. Beverly and I went shopping at Hulen Mall — I bought a skirt, 2 shirts, and 3 pair of shorts for under $70! We had fun. Went to choir practice and sang in ladies choir. Chris and Jenifer Norris were at church tonight. Crazy. I had fun smiling at everybody from the choir loft. We got to sit in the pews for the sermon, which was preached directly to me, about forgiveness, giving up rights, brotherly love. Ouch. Chris Keys asked us + Amy to a picnic tomorrow. After church we went to Ken, Allen, and Tom’s and watched "Home Alone." Laughed  a lot. We had another long relationship discussion in the kitchen—Sydney, Beverly, Russell, Ken, Sam White, Scott Bissell and his friend Andy, Tom, Doug, and Allen. Interesting. Stayed ‘til midnight. I don’t know who to like or why I avoid commitment like the plague.

September 8, 1991
God has taught me a lot today - I've felt Him moving in a way I've been missing. I sang in singles choir this morning - lots more showed up than practiced. Steve Maness sang, "He's all you need" - beautiful, and gave me such peace. I told him it ministered to my heart and he hugged me and cried. Sunday School was on prayer, and I've been so lazy lately, rushing through prayer to get to school. Pot luck lunch - delicious. We sat with a guy who's going to be a missionary in Zambia. Foreign missions still excites me so much. I cleaned house and napped this afternoon, then went to church with Beverly. It was on prayer also, and we had a Prayer & Share at the Osiek's. We prayed for almost two hours, and cried and sang. We were being really honest. Sydney started it, for me. Her honesty inspired me to examine my heart, my motives, and most of all my priorities. They've been all wrong. I haven't been seeing Como as my mission field, but as my job, and that is so wrong. God, help me to serve you there...