On Sin and Salvation

You know things are intense when it's Monday night and you're saying, "Man, it's been a tough week." That's what happened to Mike and I last week. In addition to the troubling things my Bible study girls shared last week, some serious sin issues have been brought to the light among our students. And when confronted Biblically, some chose to say, "I know it's wrong, but I don't want to stop." The interesting thing is, while I am sad for those individual students, all week I had an excitement, almost, because I kept thinking, "What if this is God preparing our hearts for revival? What if He is putting us through a purifying fire so He can show us His glory?" When I mentioned it to Mike, he said he has been praying for revival, too. He changed his whole talk for Thursday night, to talk about sin instead. Have you read Hebrews 10:26-31 lately? For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge His people." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God. I know and believe that once you are in the hand of Jesus, no one and nothing can snatch you out. But those verses are very sobering. Downright scary. Mike used them in his talk Thursday, then I was able to use them in Sunday School this morning. I had to come home instead of going to church, because Jessica's tummy hurt and Mike was in Texas, so I listened to Bro. Al's sermon on the Wedgwood web site. And guess what verses he read in the middle of his sermon on Sep. 9? Yep, Heb. 10:26-31. (I love it when God does that.) Anyway, Mike didn't have a huge crowd on Thursday night, but they listened and responded and one gave his life to Christ! Please pray with us that this is only the beginning of great things. "Mercy-drops 'round us are falling, But for the showers we plead!"

Extreme Makeover?

Last night I walked into the bathroom and saw this:



Rebecca had cut her hair! Once I realized you can't tell where she cut it, I thought it was pretty funny. Of course I didn't let her know that!

My Psalm of Praise

{As part of our "homework" for the girls' Bible study I'm leading (What Do You Do With Your Wait?),we were asked to express our praise through words, as an exercise in focusing on God instead of the wait. Mine is below. Last week was our second time to meet, and actually my second time to even talk to most of them, and some very serious, troubling things were shared. Please, if you think of me, pray for me on Tuesday nights to have wisdom beyond myself!}

God is so good to me. He listens when I talk to Him...with love and mercy and grace. He lets me feel His arms around me, His love supporting me. Every tear I cry is precious to Him, and when I laugh with joy, He laughs with me! He knows me--loves me--saves me--forgives me--washes me clean. He adopted and betrothed me. He is my Father, my Savior, my Bridegroom, my Advocate, My Provider, my Healer, my Refuge and Shield. He will sell my house in Conway, but He is also adding a room on His Father's house for me to live in. He is my source of wisdom, my teacher, my counselor, my guide. He holds my hand and shines a light to show me the next step. He catches me when I fall. He lifts my head when it is bowed in shame. He sings over me. He is faithful and true. I don't know why He loves me, but He does! I don't deserve to be allowed to love Him, but I do. O Lord, I do!
I believe, help my unbelief.

Happy List Part 5

More things that make me happy...

#36. Answered prayers for healing...here's my friends Bill and Amie's little boy Tyler in the hospital recovering from heart surgery:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TS0MKGqd-8

And here he is now!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUof4ySPH5A

#37. Puppy breath :)

Fun weekend in Pickle's Gap

I'm baaaack! I was having trouble with my computer, but it's all better now, so I can tell you all about my weekend. The girls and I went to Conway (halfway between Pickle's Gap and Toad Suck, true story) to visit my Mom and we had so much fun! The only thing that would have made it better is if Mike could have gone, but he had ministry stuff to do. Friday night my niece Kennedi spent the night, so my Mom and I and 3 little girls (Rebecca watched) played Clue. Mom won. Saturday we took advantage of being in the "big city" and went to all the stores Magnolia doesn't have and shopped. The best purchase I made was...our new puppy!! We were driving by Pet Smart and saw an adopt-a-pet going on, and we've been wanting a puppy for our nice new back yard, and Mike had said to keep my eyes open for one, so...we stopped and looked. And fell in love with a teeny tiny little black lab mix who was thrown out of a van in front of Target. They speculate he's between 6-8 weeks old. He has the sweetest little face! It took us 5 days to settle on a name. We went through: Skillet (still my favorite), Scamper, Champ, Moses, Bojangles, and finally chose the girls' favorite--Dr. Pepper, Pepper for short. He's an outside dog, but sometimes I bring him in to cuddle, and he usually falls asleep. He's such a sweetie baby.
We left him alone the first night we got him, while Mom and I went to the Point of Grace concert at her church. I hadn't really listened to them the last few years, but it was an awesome concert. They released a new album, and I loved every new song they sang. And it still is so crazy to me to watch girls I went to college with sing with a national audience. Shelly is just as funny and crazy as she was back then! They came out on stage quietly, in the dark, stood real close together and started to sing a capella...then realized ALL of them had forgotten to turn their mikes on! They laughed, and Shelly said, "Is that the most professional thing we've ever done? It's a good thing we're at home where you'll love us anyway!" Then she talked about how we were all missing the Razorback game, and how she heard we weren't doing too well (sad story) and someone shouted out, "We'd rather hear you", to which she replied, "Aww, thanks Mom." Funny. I missed Terry, but the new girl is really good. Go here to listen and watch the new songs. Even my Mom bought the CD. And yes, I did stand in line afterwards, feeling like a groupie, and Shelly and Denise remembered me from OBU, and they hugged me and we talked a little bit. It was fun.
I enjoyed church the next morning too...confession...we skipped Sunday School to play with the puppy. And because of lack of sleep the night before. OH--when we were making a bed for Pepper on my Mom's screened-in porch, I suggested Jessica give him her "Scratchy" (her baby/security blanket and yes she's 9 1/2) and she agreed!!! Wow. Mike wonders if they'll have a special bond, with him sleeping with her scent and her needing a friend so bad right now. But anyway, it was fun seeing people at WHBC, and then we ate out with Mom and a friend and drove home. Pepper did great, was quiet the whole way. I love my new puppy!!!

September 15, 1999

Every year on September 15, I remember. I don't wallow in it, but I remember because I think it's important to remember. So, Angie, you requested a journal entry from college, but first I need to copy one from Aug. 6, 2000--the earliest I could bring myself to write about what happened. I added a few things for clarification, but for the most part it's word for word from my journal. We were living in Moscow, Idaho. At the time of the shooting, Jessica was 18 months old and I was pregnant with Mikayla.

I hardly know how to begin, but I want to write this out, so I'll just do it.

September 15, 1999, was a beautiful day. I spent time outside with Jessica, and felt so happy. It was a Wednesday, and even though there was no nursery, I decided to take her and go to prayer meeting at our church. Mike couldn't go because he had a freshman Bible study. So Jessica and I walked out the front door, and were going down the front steps when I heard Mike yell, "Kecia, come here--there was a shooting at Wedgwood!" I grabbed Jessica and ran back inside. I sat on the couch by Mike as we both stared at the TV news coverage, mesmerized and horrified and shocked. This was our church, where we had met, dated, got engaged & spent the first year of our marriage. I had been a member there for 5 years, the longest I'd been at any church. We saw Coach Brown frantically looking for Jaynanne, because all he'd heard was she'd been taken to the hospital with a head wound. We also saw her, being wheeled to an ambulance on a gurney, head bandaged, shock all over her face. We heard that several people had been killed, others wounded, and that the shooter had killed himself. That's all they knew then, and as shook up as I was, I went on to church to ask them to pray. I started crying when I tried to tell them, and couldn't stop. A friend came up and patted me, and they prayed. I've always wished I'd gone home then, but for some reason I stayed and tried to act normal. I finally went home and got Jessica to bed and glued myself to the TV again, trying to find out who had been killed. The death toll eventually reached 8, including the shooter. Finally, my friend Karry called. I will never forget that moment. She said, "Have you heard?" And I said, "Just what's on TV, was anyone I know shot?" And she said, "Sydney." Everything seemed to go black and I couldn't breathe for a minute as I reached for Mike. He asked, "Who, who?" and I choked out "Sydney" and he said he knew it. It just was so like her to be there. She was sitting in the foyer by Jaynanne and Glynda, and was shot in the head, 3 times. One of them grazed Jaynanne, and that's how she got hurt, but she was okay. I heard one of the youth in an interview crying, saying she saw one of her choir teachers on her way out with blood where her head should be, and I know that was Sydney, and I can't get those words out of my head. I can't get that picture out of my head. And I couldn't help but think that if we had still lived there, I would've been sitting in that same spot. We always sat together in choir. She was so crazy--so full of life. Had a sharp sense of humor and a tender heart. I will never forget her. Mike and I both wanted to go to the memorial services so bad, but there was no way, especially with me being 4 1/2 months pregnant, and our finances being what they were. But my heart was breaking for and with my church family. It was so hard to comprehend--still is. And then to see them worship and spread the gospel in the midst of the tragedy--what a victory! Oh we wanted to be there so desperately. I still want to go. But I know God has us here for a reason, too.

I still can't believe it really happened.

Later I learned that another friend, Kevin Galey, was shot but survived, and kids I had babysat and taught VBS and children's choir to were there that night, spared by the grace of God. In September of 2000, my precious husband sent me and our 7 month old Mikayla to Fort Worth so we could go to the one year memorial service. It was a tough time with lots of tears, but it was so healing to be around others who knew and understood and felt the same way I did. It was the only "funeral" my friend Amy, who lives in Florida, and I could go to. And to see those who actually lived through it worship God with amazing joy was such an inspiration.

Today, 6 years later, it's still hard to believe it really happened. This summer my family went to a reunion at Wedgwood, and Kevin Galey gave us the book Night of Tragedy, Dawning of Light. It's good, but is taking me forever to read because it's so emotionally draining I can't do more than a chapter at a time. I've read some things I didn't know before. Literally hundreds of people--HUNDREDS, mostly teenagers--were saved in the days immediately after the shooting. Because one of the victims had grown up in Saudi Arabia, lots of video footage was shown there, including gospel presentations--in a land where the gospel is against the law! Satan thought he was striking a blow on the family of God, but God worked even this horrible tragedy for good...according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) And in the words of Bro. Al that night..."we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) Praise to our Heavenly Father--He is the victorious one! He is good, and He reigns, forever and ever.

Happy List Part 4

I'm so happy today I have to add to my list:
32. Spending time with my Mom

33. Watching my husband and kids enjoy time with her, too. She was here from last Friday until yesterday (Tuesday), and we shopped without having to buy anything (which is what I mean on #6)(but she did buy me stuff, hee hee), watched High School Musical with the girls (she loved watching them sing every word), showed her our new house and town and church and schools, made chocolate chip cookies, and just enjoyed being together.
34. Doing Bible study outside while Rebecca rides her tricycle on days like today, with blue skies, temperatures in the 70's, and a cool breeze: "When the sun's shinin' down on me, and the world's all as it should be, blessed be Your name!"
35. Ruby throated hummingbirds coming to my feeder--we have 10!

Where are you from?

Whenever I meet new people (something I've been doing a lot lately), one of the natural questions is, "So where are you from?" If I've lived in one place for a while (3 years or more), I take the easy way out and just say "here". But when I'm new, I never really know what to say. I usually just hesitate, and if Mike is with me we look at each other and laugh, and then I say, well, my Dad was in the Navy...
You might notice, I added to the subtitle above, so that now it reflects ALL of my journey through life, instead of just my married life. It looks worse than it is; I lived in Virginia 5 years, Arkansas a total of 10, and Idaho 12. And most of the time I'm thankful for the varied experiences I've had, and definitely for the people I've been able to know. I'm reading a light (silly) book for fun right now called True Valor, by Dee Henderson, which actually has one pretty good quote in it. The Air Force character says, "The military teaches you not to get attached to the place or the thing but the people." I liked that. I admit I do have to fight the tendency to protect myself by not letting friendships get too deep, especially when I know a move is coming up, but thanks to email, cell phones, and blogs, I don't even need to do that anymore; the world is much smaller than it used to be. I'm rambling, but I think what I really want to say is this: I don't know where I'm from, but thank God I know where I'm going. In the words of the old country gospel song, "This world is not my home, I'm just a-passin' through!" I'm so glad we're passing through it together.
"For we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come. Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name." Hebrews 18:14-15

Trip to Texas

Mike's mom, Arnelia, last Christmas.

We went to Magnolia, Texas, this weekend to visit Mike's family. Mike's mom lives in his sister Jeannie's guest house (which was built for that purpose.) She had a stroke in January and we almost lost her. She has recovered physically almost completely, but she also suffers from what the doctors call "stress-induced dementia." The last time we visited I was pleased with her progress; I saw her remember the word for syrup, and she knew all our names, and most days could sort of carry on a conversation. She just had a few of those forgetful things that are sort of funny (at least to my odd family.) But this visit...it made me sad. I think she's worse. I don't think she ever finished a sentence, at least not one that made sense. She knew us, but had trouble thinking of names. Mike's other 2 brothers and their families came, too, and the one night we were all there together, eating dinner, she made the comment to Jeannie, "I'll be glad when I can go home." Worst of all, Sunday evening she got weepy. Before, she was not a very emotional/demonstrative person, which made it even harder to see her like this. That evening, Mike and his siblings were meeting at Jeannie's house to discuss her care, so I stayed with her, and she just kept crying. When I'd ask her what was wrong, she'd say something like "Michael...I would never...didn't mean to...Michael...hurt". I tried to tell her Mike was fine, and no one was upset with her about anything, and I'd hug her and pat her, but she just kept on. Finally my sis in law Renee went and got Mike, and when he went up to her and asked what was wrong she just threw her arms around him and sobbed. It was heart-breaking, and frustrating that she couldn't even communicate why she was crying. She was better the next day.

On a happier note, the girls were oblivious, for the most part, and had a lot of fun. Jeannie has an above ground pool--they swam three times a day--and all the teenage cousins were there to spoil them. I took them to the Woodlands Mall and bought them Build-a-bear outfits in exchange for the 2 allowances I owed them, and now they owe me one! I also went halvsies with Jeannie on a bogo Yankee Candle (frosted pumpkin).

And Mike spent hours playing Risk with his brothers and nephews. So even though it was a difficult visit, it was a good visit. We left for home Monday morning and had a nice, uneventful drive home, and even got the girls to talk and play a little instead of just watching DVDs.